New Hope and Old Dreams brought me here. (Part 1)

As I walked back into work post-Christmas and New Year cheer, I felt a dark cloud envelope me and a red alarm kept going off in my head. It was like a warning sign to run back home and crawl back into bed. I assume many can relate to this experience every Monday, or for some, every day. 

I have everything going right for me. I recently married the single most incredible man alive. We have a homely apartment. I recently discovered how much I love cooking, and that I'm really not as bad at it as Rachel from the hit TV show Friends was (according to Ross, her trifle smelled like feet).

I have an amazingly supportive and caring family. A small group of trusted friends. And a stable career in a Private corporation pioneering in manufacturing apparel for some of the biggest brands in the world. Life is good. Work is good.

But the people I have to work with everyday. Oh good grief. 

THAT, is what brought me here. THAT is what leaves screaming voices in my head to run out of my work place everyday, and what led me to write down all these loud bellowing in my head for my own sanity. 

At the dawn of each year, most of us face this turmoil, where we re-evaluate the purpose of our lives, potential career shifts, looking up new courses of study. It's only human to crave change, to want to explore new opportunities and test our limits. But for most, it's all thought and limited courage to actually pursue these dreams. 

That's where I am right now. I love my line of work, but the environment I work in is not supportive. Team work is something that is just advertised on our company's webpage to draw in potential employees. Fresh ideas and new working patterns are frowned upon. My team is stuck. They work and think the same way they have been doing since they joined the company. Some have been at it for over a decade. So anything that's new and abstract is looked at with a stink-eye. One time, when we were putting up a mobile of silver and gold stars as decor for our boss' birthday, a manager asked me why we hadn't put up any balloons. 

Because we put up balloons for every damn kid's birthday. That's why. But instead I just responded with a hearty "because she's not 5" and went back to taping strings of stars on the ceiling.

For someone whose mind is a myriad of new thoughts and colours, this is prison. 

Our company prides itself on being innovative and liberal in thought, practice, and training. But, we are far from it. 

I'm not sure if there is a gap in communication between the top hierachy and the rest of the employees, but the senior management appears to be blind to what's actually going on with it's executive tier. 

I'll be back.